Relationships

talking about what you want in all kinds of relationships

In times of world-crisis, relationships come together with fierce need, and fall apart with painful misunderstandings. Figuring out what you want from different types of relationships (organizing relationships, casual friendships, intimacy in various forms), and with specific people, and then communicating those desires in a collaborative way can really clear a path for growing together rather than exploding apart.

One tool I’ve been suggesting a lot to people recently has been this relationship smorgasbord.

There are a few different versions you can look up online, (here’s another one that’s a bit more linear and has instructions and links) or you can make one yourself with your areas of interest, and go over it with your friends and people to get clear on where you are in mutual understanding of the bounds of your relationship, and where things are misaligned, and talk about what to do with the misalignment.

Part of it too, is knowing what you want, vs what you are likely to do and/or where your wants conflict. For example, if you want a non-attached relationship, and you want to co-sleep, but co-sleeping triggers your attachment, and if you co-sleep you are bound to want a more serious relationship, then … you need to be aware of those conflicting wants and likelihoods. (Co-sleeping, by the way, does almost always trigger attachment! Breathing in someone else’s pheromones for that many hours is a powerful drug!)

Also, here’s a cat purring if you need it.