Dissociative Identity things

What are the parts of your whole?

I do this thing on Fridays where I have a writing/crafting open house from 7-10pm where my friends can come over and work on things together up in my attic, no need for texting ahead or making plans, just show up when or if you want. Of course, I live in Pittsburgh and no one ever leaves their neighborhood here, and I live a few neighborhoods over from my friends, so usually no one shows up, which is ok with me. I like to spend the time alone too.

This last Friday, though, I had this whole plan for a video I was hoping my friends could help me with. It was going to be about the difference between how the world, including the “experts” in the field of psychotherapy, seem to think about dissociative identity disorder, versus the reality of the experience. The first part of the video would be each of my friends (acting as parts of the same being) coming into the picture, one at a time, doing a little pirouette, and stating their name and identifying features. 

I’m Sally and I am 5; I’m Jonas and I like driving fast; I’m Melony, I’m dreamy; Etc.

That’s the part of the video on how people think of dissociative identity disorder.

Then the next part, the part about how it really typically is, would have us all doing some kind of chaotic contact improv all of us connected and covered by different types of gauzy, stretchy fabric that blurs our edges and covers our faces, and makes it so we can’t quite get away from each other, but don’t quite know how to land our dance moves either. We’re constricted on one end, pulled back down when we try to leap, and we’d just be shouting and whispering random things, like: “I think I’ll paint this wall orange, did you water the plants, fuck the plants, this isn’t real, or wait, no no no, I don’t feel safe. You’re such a dumbass, You’re safe. Sally, no that’s not right. Real, real. Let’s go down stairs. How did I get here? Nevermind. What did I come up here for? I haven’t been here for a while. Did you eat yet. I can’t fall asleep.” And then in a third scene, we’d all just do something really boring together, since most of the time that’s what it looks like, just someone going about life, nothing to see at all. (if any dancers and costume makers want to help me make this a reality, let me know!)

I love the brilliance of dissociative identity structures, and I think so many people experience themselves in parts, maybe not dissociated parts, but probably more than we would think. There is the inner child, the inner critic, these two are accepted, but what about all the other parts? The protector parts, the internal-beloved that we project onto people we hardly know when we have crushes part, the baby parts that are inconsolable, the suicidal ideation part, the parts that come out when you’re home for holidays, the teenage parts, the exhausted parts, the parts that can experience euphoric joy.

Treatment for dissociative identity disorder is bizarre and I think very cruel, because it talks about three phases: “stabilization, memory processing, and integration,” but not about just helping all the parts be cared for, acknowledged, seen and respected. What I have seen is with these three things - care, acknowledgement and respect - the same strength of the psyche that compartmentalized in the first place will also find its way to de-compartmentalize however is most beneficial for the person. I’m not saying there won’t be chaos, fear, and push-back, but I believe it is most helpful to start with trust.

And also normalizing and depathologizing is more helpful than most anything.

So whether it’s dissociated or associated parts, I hope we can start sharing these experiences more.

What are the parts of your whole?